So where have I been during this past year? What have I been doing?
Now I’ve been doing a lot but for something I care about I’m suppressed to have neglected it for as long as I have. I still identify myself as a writer and am eternally grateful that I discovered this passion. I mean it is always a go to answer for the dreaded “tell me a fact about yourself” icebreaker.
Well enough about that, why am I spending time on this. Well it’s really to articulate to myself where this past year has gone.
STRESS
It’s been a lot and kinda blur. I think my creative energies really get going when I like to use up all of my distractions and only have time to think about stuff.
For example today i spent my whole morning and afternoon watching movies while playing games and i kept bouncing between the games not really liking any of them. And now i ran out of options on how to distract myself so here I am just rambling once again.
And if you have been following me since i started this blog two years ago or have read my other posts, then 1. Thank you 2. Smash that like button and subscribe and 3. Don’t worry the more structured analysis and reviews are going to come back. I’m just like venting right now.
What I’ve been doing for the past year is trying to get myself to a place where I can figure out what I want out of life. I went from a very dysfunctional home environment to a dysfunctional workplace. And it’s only been recently that I feel like there was stability in my life.
I think it’s because of this stability that I don’t need escapist pastimes like video games anymore and I can focus more on introspective activities like writing. I mean I didn’t even finish any video games in the past year, not one. I was looking for some kind of certainty that I was playing these games in the right way. Which is odd because the games I prefer to play are like sandbox and grand strategy games. Genres where the player has almost unlimited creative freedom on how to approach a problem.
I think the lack of structure and the lack of a clear way of doing things was preventing me from finding stress relief because I went into these games with a bad mindset. That I had to succeed at these games instead of letting things just happen. “I CAN’T JUST let things happen that’s how end up in bad situations”
Well at least this hiatus has given me more time to think about what I want to write about, stay tuned for a review of some of the games, anime, and movies I’ve been enjoying.
Much love
Anishill
The Trans-Feminine Gaze 